Fellas, we’ve all been there. You have been hanging out with a chick…oops… broad who you like but its always been undefined why you were hanging out. The conversation is dope. She’s into/tolerates the dumb hobbies you love (#nerdalert, fantasy sports, action movies etc.) She laughs at all your corny jokes. You guys talk every day via txt msg, facebook or gchat. You build up the courage to tell her how you feel and she responds… ”I care for so much I don’t want to ruin our friendship…”
My friend welcome to the friend zone. The most dreaded category to be in the eyes of someone you’re attracted to. Mainly because you get all fun of being in a relationship (dinner dates, random hangouts, movie nights) with none of the benefits (dirty pics, make up sex, quickies during lunch.) I been in this game for years…uhh, it made me an animal, there’s rules to this shit… I wrote you a manual…
- Determine how you feel about this woman from jump. The longer you take to decide what you want from her: friend, girlfriend or roof jumper, the higher the chance is you’ll get that golden ticket to the friend zone like that fat kid in Willie Wonka.
- “Ayo, Are we dating? are we fucking? are we best friends? are we something in between that?” That’s a line from Childish Gambino – Heartbeat. But it speaks volumes. Don’t fuck around with this tip. Find out the nature of your relationship. Once you put this question out there though, understand you can’t take it back. A woman’s mind is like the Internet and neither ever forget.
- If you want her and she wants Tom, retreat and regroup. Some guys think persistence is key but to me, held wrong, persistence is the key to the friend zone door. If she clearly tells you she just wants to be friends, fall back and be friends from a distance. You can’t win her over with flowers, surprise dates to the movies or trips out of town. You will still be that friend at the end of the night… Just a really great friend. Great friends get kissed on the head but not the one you want.
- Don’t be Will to her Grace. You can’t be her best friend and discuss her cycle and console her when she thinks feels fat or unsexy. Let her bestie/BFF do that. For every carton of haagan daas you deliver at that time of the month the more comfortable you make your room at the Friendmada Inn.
- Don’t discuss anyone she’s currently dating. If she’s comfortable discussing other dudes (or maybe ladies) with you and asking for advice you are already in the friend zone homie. “So, I went on a date with this guy from work…” This is def con 5 right here. This is that Matrix moment when you realize you’ve been living a lie and the whole sexy lingerie world you thought you were living is really some other dudes sweatpants and over-sized shirts.
Follow these rules you’ll have mad bread to break up… Seriously, look at these rules as guidelines to a more relaxed life. Ending up in the friend zone when you wanted to land in her End zone is a horrible experience every man has to go through. But hopefully you’ll only have to do it once. Did I miss something? Are there any other tips I might have missed. Let me know in the comments section. I’m out and Death to the Friend Zone!